Therapy Talk

I work with couples every day on how to communicate effectively.  How to practice slowing down to listen while also making sure they’re being as clear as they can with communicating how they feel and what they need.  But never and I mean never, do I work with couples on how to say things perfectly.

Because it’s completely unrealistic to think that’s even possible.  I’ve been a therapist for 21 years and married for 17 and I don’t use ‘therapy talk’ in my own relationship.  I say it the best I can and repair when I screw it up.  I try to signal to my husband when I’m too tired or cranky to have a productive conversation.  I try to take a breath when I could say more but know that’s really only to get the last word in.  Basically I just human it up every day.

And so should you.  

If most conversations end with "if only you had said it this way, I would not have reacted that way”, you’re going to need a reset.

It is unrealistic to think you are going to say it perfectly or  use ‘therapy talk’ in real life.  Instead, can you infuse a little bit of grace to better see each other working your hardest to do/say it differently? Can you make some progress by saying it as best you can, knowing that it’s a small shift, even if it wasn’t perfect?  And then keep working together at communicating more effectively.

Remove the expectation of saying it exactly right and instead allow each other to be a bit more human in your communication.

I’m cheering for the two of you!

-A

P.S. If your communication feels far from effective, it sounds like now is the time to enroll in the Communication Masterclass.  To do a major reset together and get back to basics.  Use the code FALLINTOEACHOTHER for $50 off enrollment.  Valid until 11.30.25.