Brutal Honesty

I’m sure most of you have seen Jerry Maguire but you may not remember the scene early in the movie when Tom Cruise and Kelly Preston’s characters are breaking up and she says something quite harsh to which he flinches. She replies with the comeback, “What did we always promise each other Jerry?? That we would always be brutally honest?”  And he replies, “I think you’re the one that added the brutal to it.”

That line always stood out to me because we hear a lot about the benefit of ‘brutal honesty’ in relationships and I have to say, I’m not really a fan of it. 

In your relationship, communication should be direct and honest, but it doesn’t need to be brutal.  The truth is, when your honesty becomes ‘brutal’ you pretty much lose your audience. It’s very likely that your partner is going to have an emotional reaction to your ‘brutal’ honesty and what remains left of your communication is going to be pretty unproductive and ungrounded.  

If you want your partner to hear your needs or how you feel,  you’re going to need to take the brutal out of  your honesty and instead replace it with empathy, directness and truth.

Believe me, your point will be better made when it‘s delivered with a bit of compassion and not so much brutality.

You got this.

-A

P.S. If you need some help taking the brutal out of your honesty, maybe it’s time for some support. Follow this link to schedule a session and let’s get to work…together.