Date Nights, Deep Talks

I’ve had so many couples come to me in frustration that their last couples therapist kept ‘prescribing’ them date nights and that it never made a difference in the issues they were struggling with.  It’s actually a common complaint I hear about couples therapy in general, the ol’ date night remedy.

And here’s my two cents on it.

No, date nights do not fix relationship issues and yes, date nights can actually fix relationship issues.

It’s all in the execution.  Most couples that share about the ineffectiveness of date nights don’t do them or are verrryyy sporadic with them.  They struggle to put aside time on the calendar for intentional time together for a million and one very valid reasons; none of which I’m here to debate at all.

They also tend to overthink (or overplan) date nights, making them fit in a very narrow box and that much harder to execute.

The key to date nights is two things.

One…make them happen.

Two…make them happen.

A date can happen during the morning, afternoon or evening.  A date can be at home or out of the house.  A date can be making a coffee at home and running errands together.  A date can be taking the dog for a walk.  A date night can be as simple as you need it to be.

Yes, there may be some awkwardness you’re out of practice or a struggle in finding a time to make it happen, but you’re missing out on all the benefits if you’re not actually dating your mate.  

The truth is, dates done regularly allow for deeper conversations.  It allows space for the two of you to interact as partners and not just as co-parents and co-household managers.

The intended benefit of any and all date nights is spending time continuing to get to know each other…no matter how many months or years in.  

Remember date nights do not fix your problems, but they certainly should allow you the space to at least feel more at ease with each other…which then can lead to talking in a meaningful way…which then increases the likelihood that you’ll also dive into those deeper and much needed topics.

Take the time to date each other in the simplest and most consistent ways and you will begin to see the benefit of it.

I’m cheering for you.

~ A