It’s better to be real

My son played on a baseball team about half a dozen years ago that was just terrible. It was good ol’ 7 year old rec baseball, so it’s not like the expectations were extremely high, but as the season progressed, they got worse and worse at each game.

I distinctly remember driving home from a game that is hard to even describe in its comedy of errors and my son piped up in the back seat and said ‘Mom, I think we’re getting better’.

I took a deep breath and made a really hard choice. I decided to be real and said, ‘You know bud, I really don’t’ think so, for whatever reason, I think you all might be getting worse’. Now I realize that reading this you might be horrified, but I made a conscious choice in that moment, that if my kids or husband are going to ask for my opinion or state something as a fact that I experience completely differently, I need to speak up and be real.

In order for those around me to trust me, I can’t hold back when the situation calls me to be real. I can be kind with my words, I can use compassion when I share, but I need to be real.

My son looked at me sideways when I gave my response and I said, ‘Kiddo, I want us to both decide how real we can be with each other. If you say something that is false or ask my opinion, I’m going to need to be honest with you. I won’t pipe up unless asked, but I think you’ll trust the words that I say more, if you know that I’m being as honest and real as I can, no matter the situation. I’ll always try and do it with kindness, but I think it’s the best way to do it.’

And he agreed. Over the years, he and I have come back to this place of needing to be real and it’s a really cool part of our relationship. And one that I share with my daughter and husband too. I’m going to be truthful in what I think and feel and I want the same from them. I’ll work hard to not tell you what I think you want to hear and instead do my best to be real for them and to them.

When you work to make communication kind, it really is better to be real.

I’m cheering for the two of you.

-A

P.S. If communication has become clouded with saying what you think the other wants to hear instead of the truth, then it’s time for a communication reset. Check out the Communication Masterclass and consider enrolling today. It might be just what the two of you need.