If you don’t share it, you can’t complain about it.

I’m a big believer that if you want something to change, you gotta speak up. Now I know it can sometimes be easier to ignore it instead of addressing it or to drop a passive aggressive comment into the conversation, but trust me, if you don’t say something about it, you’ve dramatically reduced the likelihood that it will change.

Ignoring it just breeds resentment. Stuffing it down just makes you more frustrated and likely to explode at the most inopportune time. And let’s be honest, passive aggressive comments have really helped no one ever.

If you don’t speak up or share what is bothering you, not only will it never change, but you sort of lose your right to complain about it.

This is actually one of my biggest parenting/relationship principles. When my kids come home from school with some annoyance about a friend squabbling, I do my best to listen and let them vent. But my typical question after the dust has settled, is what would you like to do about it? If their answer is ‘nothing’ then they know that’s pretty much it. Meaning if you’re not going to let your friend (or partner) know they hurt your feelings or are doing something that drives you bonkers, you can’t keep going over and over it and complaining about it to everyone but them.

If you don’t address it, you really can’t keep giving it energy and complaining about it.

Take the time to bring it up or work your hardest to stop grouching about it. *written and said with as much love and compassion as possible.

And if you’re asking for my opinion, you know I’m going to say it’s much better to address it.

I know you got this.

-A

P.S. If ditching passive aggressive communication or bringing up even the smallest of issues has become extremely difficult, please reply to this message. I’m here to support the two of you as you get your communication and relationship back on track.