Resentment…can it be released?

One of the more common emotions that gets expressed in couples therapy is resentment.  There’s debate about whether it’s purely a feeling or also a behavior and when pressed, sometimes it’s hard to even define.

And on top of all that…we know resentment can be poison to a relationship.

As a refresher, resentment is a feeling but it can also lead to behaviors that look pretty destructive…avoiding, lashing out, criticism.  The hard thing is when you’re feeling resentful, bitter and angry from being wronged, it’s about something that has already happened.  A situation that has occurred and can’t be undone.

So as toxic as resentment can be to a relationship, it’s also toxic to the individuals feeling it.  When you’re feeling resentment, you’re often struggling to release what has been in order to accept what is.  Now I’m not saying resentment is an individual issue.  It clearly results from relational hurt AND the healing that needs to occur, also needs to be relational.

In order to move through hurtful experiences, you have to  work through them together.  You can’t release each other from what you can’t change, unless you’ve addressed it together.  It takes acknowledging the past, holding space to see how it impacted the relationship and then working to show up differently now, so the future can be different.

If you’re struggling with feelings (or behaviors) of resentment in your relationship, please know that it’s work for the two of you to do together.  It takes time to rebuild trust and work through resentment…and doing that together is the healing.  

I’m cheering for the two of you.

-A

P.S. If resentment is keeping wounds of the past active in your relationship, please reach out. I’m here to help the two of you work through what needs to be healed.