Playing by the Rules
My sweet nephew was historically the WORST to play card/board games with. He’s since grown out of it, but he was one of those kids that as the game was going on (and you were inevitability winning) he started to leak out the rules of the game that you had unknowingly violated which of course resulted in your lead quickly shrinking. The worst part, upon further review of the rulebook, he was in fact right, he had just failed to share this random rule at the start of the game.
Like I said, he’s a teen now and makes sure we all know the rules before we sit down for a new game, but unfortunately his reputation of doing this in the past forces us to groan and bring it up each time a family game night occurs.
The rub is that knowing the rules before you agree to play is pretty necessary. I think about my son and his friends playing whiffle ball and how 2/3 of the game time is spent negotiating all the rules before they start, but hey it works for them.
And it’s in most areas of life that we want to know the rules before we agree to play…especially in relationships.
Because our partnerships do thrive off rules. You might call them expectations. Or boundaries. But whatever you call them, it’s how you both agree to show up in the relationship. The expectations that you will be held to and also what you can expect from your mate.
Many of us started our relationships by not really hammering this down. Or at least not in any sort of conscious way. And even more likely, we’ve changed over the course of our relationship that the expectations or rules we established in our early years have shifted and changed.
And as formal as this may sound, having agreed upon expectations that you both stick to is really important in your relationship.
How will you communicate about the hard stuff?
What can you expect from each other around accountability and consistency?
What is your plan for making big decisions around work, money and the future?
Knowing what you can expect from each other and being able to rely on that is gold in your relationship!
If it feels like it’s been a while since you’ve discussed the ‘rules’ in your relationship, spend some time this week just exploring it with each other. Be open about what your partner can expect from you and clarify what you want to expect from them.
You got this!
-A
P.S. I know that discussing and setting expectations can be really hard in your relationship. It requires both vulnerability and honesty. If you don’t know where to start, reach out…that’s what I’m here for.