Make it count

Did you know that the quality of your relationship is heavily influenced by the quality with which you repair? That it’s not about never disconnecting but instead about how well you repair and reconnect.  I don’t know about you, but this sure takes the pressure off, thinking that there is room for slip ups and foot in mouth moments as long as you work to reconnect in a meaningful way.  That sure sounds pretty hopeful to me.

But what constitutes a quality repair?  What actually helps you feel willing to reconnect and hopeful about forgiving?

It’s really about acknowledgement and awareness.  About understanding how it hurt, without justifying or minimizing it, and working to remember for next time.  Working to make those changes in communication and behavior in order to do it differently next time. 

You need to make it count.  When a disconnection happens and a repair is needed, work to really do it right. Don’t gloss over it or race through it.  Take it slow, lean in and make it count.

Quality repairs = quality relationships.  If you find yourself saying ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again and it’s not making a difference, there’s a possibility that your repairs are missing key elements.  It’s not about just saying the words, it’s about the meaning behind them and the behaviors that follow them.  Work to make it count!

I’m cheering for the two of you!!

-A

P.S. Repairs can feel tricky when hurt has happened and yet the quality of your relationship is dependent on them. If you’re struggling to work through the hard stuff, head over to my calendar so we can speak further about how counseling may help. That’s what I’m here for.