Practice Radical Empathy

I think one of the hardest skills to build is empathy.  That might sound odd, but overall I see couples struggle in applying this concept on the regular.

Let me break it down a bit.

One of the hurdles with empathy is that it’s not about agreeing with how your partner feels in a given situation.  It’s about applying compassion to them as they describe how they’re feeling.  Helping them feel less alone and more heard in their experience.

Empathy is not about taking blame for something you didn’t cause or really have nothing to do with.  Empathy is about hearing how it is for your partner and being able to show understanding that said feeling exists for them.

Lastly, empathy is more about connection and less about whether or not you would feel the same way in a given situation.  Because honestly when your partner is in the middle of their feelings, it’s not really about you and whether you feel the same way or have experienced the same thing.

Which is why I think there is value in practicing radical empathy.  If you practiced being a bit more empathetic in your relationship and a heck of a lot less analytical…what is the worst that can happen?

I mean that question honestly.  The fear that practicing radical empathy means that you’re taking responsibility for things you didn’t do is actually not a thing at all (see above).  When your partner truly tells you how they’re feeling, your only job is to be present and genuine in your compassion for them.

I have very little fear that by practicing radical empathy in your partnership that it would cause some adverse negative situation.  In fact, as I write this, I’m hard pressed even thinking of what the negative outcome could be.  As long as your partner is giving you a feeling (not a thought…that’s a whole other post for another time), your job is to empathize.

Let’s practice together.

~ A