I guarantee it

As a therapist, we are trained to not offer guarantees.  Pretty brutal I know, but it makes sense. Human behavior is not under the control of a therapist and guaranteeing a certain result is pretty problematic; especially if an individual  chooses to do something different than advised. Like I said, it actually does make sense.

But the one thing I can guarantee in this field, especially when it comes to relationships, is that if you don’t speak up and ask for what you need, you will not get it.

I get how hard it is to put words to vulnerable wants and needs.  I also know that as a whole, we can find all sorts of ways to talk ourselves out of speaking up. 

What if they say no?

What if they think my thoughts/feelings/needs are stupid/trivial/ridiculous?

What if they ignore or dismiss me?

And as much as all these things could possibly happen, the likelihood that they will is pretty low.  And not speaking up actually guarantees you won’t get what you need.

What you want and need in a relationship is really important.  Just like your partner’s wants and needs are important too.  And by not talking about them, those precious needs will remain unheard and unmet.

Take the time to talk about what you want, because silence guarantees you’re absolutely not going to get it.

I’m cheering you on!

~ A