Measure carefully.

My daughter spent most of her holiday break baking. She has become quite the baker and we are reaping the benefits. The good news is she’s officially figured out the difference between a tsp and tsb in a recipe. We had a mishap recently where 2 tablespoons of salt were used instead of 2 teaspoons, and let’s just say it makes a difference in a small batch of cookies.

I mean who knew that measuring makes that much difference.

Well, it does… and actually baking is not the only place. 

We measure in all sorts of areas of our lives, but the most important part is making sure we’re measuring correctly.

And in relationships, you need to make sure you’re measuring the right variables. When you’re working to improve your communication or connection (things that can be pretty nebulous to get your arms around), you need to make sure you’re tracking the right things.

So what do you measure to really see if positive change is happening in your relationship?

Frequency, duration, and intensity.

If you’re working to have more grounded communication around hard topics… measure how frequently you’re actually doing so, how long you’re able to stay grounded (and focused) on the topic at hand, and how intense emotions do (or don’t) get when you’re talking.

When you see even one of these variables start to shift in the positive direction, you know your hard work is paying off.

The more you can stop looking for an all-or-nothing change in your relationship and instead… measure change by frequency, duration, and intensity, the more you know your hard work is paying off.

You’ve got this!

-A

P.S. If you’re looking for an absolute change of behaviors in love, you might be missing the small (and significant) shifts that are starting to occur. Let’s get the two of you measuring change the right way. Shoot me an email so we can talk more about working together. That’s what I’m here for.